Letting Go
by YoiteAlphaYuKisa
Summary: *If you do not like Yaoi DO NOT READ* This is my First Fanfic for Free. I do not own any of the characters, though I wish I did. Please, all comments, critiques and suggestions are welcome. I will try to put out chapters on a regular bases but life does get in the way sometimes so I ask for your patients. Thank you and I hope you enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

Name: Letting Go

Chapter 1: Dark Waters of the Heart

"Makoto!" Nagisa's voice faintly sounded from the shore. Violent water churned threatening to filling Makoto's lungs as he struggled to reach the shore, Rei's limp body in his arms. Makoto was quickly becoming overpowered by the storms savage beating. A wave crashed down causing him to loose grip of his blue headed team mate and suddenly he went under and everything went black. The next thing he knew the gritty feel of sand was felt underneath his body. His green eyes half opened only to see a pair of ocean blue eyes over him ~Haru..?~

With a sudden jolt his body sprang up but he was no longer on the beach. There he sat in his bed but none the less he found himself gasping for air and his hand clutched his shirt tightly. ~That dream again...~ he thought to himself, the taste of the salty sea water still seemed to be in his mouth from that day. He glanced over to the lumped figure laying next to him in bed still snuggly wrapped in the blanket but soon the figure turned and a pair of purple-ish blue eyes stared sleepily at him. "Makoto..?"

The other sat up rubbing his eyes tiredly, he'd been used to this. Makoto had woken up like this several nights in a row now. "Makoto? Are you alright?" He asked.

"Im fine, Kisumi" Makoto replied with a shaky voice then sighed deeply before nodded. "It was just, that dream again"

"You don't look it" Kisumi reached over placing his palm to Makoto's forehead and frowned "Mako.. your as cold as ice but you're sweating badly. You don't seem ok, you've never been this bad before" Kisumi looked down for a split second as his thoughts swirled. Since Haru had moved away, every other few night had been like this. Makoto having the dream of Haru saving his life and their almost first kiss. It bother Kisumi to no end that his Makoto had been having the same repetitive dream of his friend and former lover but he had always kept silent about it.

Makoto had regained his composure and put on his usual charming smile, the one Kisumi could never resist. "I'm fine, really. I promise" he said assuringly

Just as always, Kisumi felt at ease. He couldn't help himself when his green eyed lover gave that smile. "Alright then you should try and get some more sleep. You have to be up soon for work"

Makoto nodded briefly then stood up "I think I'll take a short walk, just to completely clear my head first. I'll be right back. You have work as well, your big presentation." Makoto took leaned down giving a soft kiss to Kisumi's cheek before he grabbed his shoes and slipped them on.

Kisumi had already laid back down and was nuzzling into his pillow. He smiled from the kiss and sighed softly "Be carful Makoto" he whispered as he pulled the covers over him.

"I always am. I'll try not to wake you when I return. Aishiteru" the brown head said before closing the door after him and headed down stairs after giving a quick glance into Hayato's room seeing the small sleeping body. Mako headed out looking up at the clear night sky then made his way down towards the sandy shores of his dream. Ironically enough they lived in a condo only a couple of blocks from the ocean.

Soon the dark waters were in view, gentle and smooth unlike in his dreams. He stopped a few feet from the shore and took in a breath of the salty air then something caught his eye. A dark figure standing on the boardwalk looking out into the waters, his green eyes widened as the figure became clear. Makoto gasped in realization "Haru!?"

He wasted no time as he rushed over, sand kicked up behind him as he ran then finally made it to the wooden planks that made up the boardwalk. "Haru!" He called out and ran to the end coming up beside his friend.

Haru didn't break his gaze from the still waters before them even as his name was called and once his ex lover made it to him his lips parted. "The ocean is the freest of all" his monotone voice sounded cold and eerie. "Never being confined by anything"

Makoto tilted his head but chuckled softly and smiled "something only you could say Haru" He wanted to hug his friend but with how their relationship had ended before Haru left, he wasn't even sure if he should, let alone even be as excited as he was to see him but he couldn't help it. Regardless of how things ended, Haru was still his friend. They had said they wouldn't let their friendship go.

"One minute they're still and all is calm" Haru turned his head slightly to glance at Makoto as he began to remove his shirt "then the next they can become violent and unpredictable" he tossed his shirt aside "the ocean has that right, it knows the true meaning of being free" He kicked off his shoes then his pants next. Haru gripped the wooden railing and climbed up onto the banister now only wearing his swimsuit.

"Haru what are you-..." Makoto's broke off as the blue eyed man before him leaped off of the banister to the pitch blacked water below. He gasped and reached for Haru but was too late and found himself leaning over the railing gripping nothing but air as he watched his friend fall downward. "HARU!" He cried out "HARU!"

Just before he hit the water Haru's body disappeared completely into nothingness and suddenly a wave out of nowhere crashed against the boardwalk.

"Makoto! ... Makoto! ... MAKOTO!"

The familiar voice jolted Makoto and his eyes shot open. He panted heavily and was gasping for air as beads of sweat rolled down his forehead. His green eyes quickly darted left to right then left again as he sat up quickly. He was once again back in his bed.

Kisumi shook him once more "Makoto! Are you ok? Say something!" His voice flooded with worry.

Mako's chest pounded as his heart raced and quickly he reached and grabbed Kisumi pulling him into his arms but said nothing as a few silent tears trickled from his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Name: Letting Go

Chapter 2: The Calm Before The Storm

"Mako-nii!" Hayato's cheerful voice filled the classroom as Makoto stepped in. He ran over to the tall green eyed man he had grown to love and trust, his big brother. "I did it! I did it!" The high pitched squeal exclaimed as the small boy held up a sheet of paper with the written words 'Great Job! A+' on it.

Makoto chuckled softly at Hayato's excitement as he kneeled down to eye level with him placing one hand on the boys head and giving his pink salmon colored hair a ruffle. "That's great Hayato. I knew you could do it. I'm so proud of you" He praised then looked up as Hayato's teacher approached them. He stood giving her a courteous nod.

"Mr. Tachibana. It is to my understanding that you've been tutoring Hayato these past few weeks in his studies. I must say, he's been doing exceptionally better in all areas."

Makoto nodded with a smile "Yes, I have been" he said with a sense of pride as he glanced to Hayato who was rocking back and forth on his heels smiling big at the praise from his teacher with a light blush on his small cheeks. "I'm so glad to hear he's doing better" Mako continued on as his gaze went back to the teacher. "Thank you for the update on his progress." With that he reached over taking Hayato's hand "we should get going. You don't want to be late for your swimming practice."

Brightly smiling Hayato squeezed the mans hand who he now looked up to as his idol. "Will you be helping with the coach today?"

With a soft chuckle at the boys excitement Makoto pulled Hayato up and sat him on his shoulders "it just so happens that today I am" He answered as they arrived at the pool. He sat the young boy down and went inside. "Hayato, you go get ready and I'll meet you at the pool with the others in your class and remember, the relay race is today, so stay focused."

Kisumi had just finished all his daily tasks around the house. Living room picked up and vacuumed, kitchen and bathroom swept and mopped, even dinner had been started. He felt a sense of accomplishment today, usually he'd never be done this early. The only thing that remained now was the laundry.

He quickly gathered Hayato's things then went and corralled his and Makoto's and headed down stairs to the laundry room. Piece by piece he loaded the washer making sure to check the pockets for whatever may or may not have been emptied and forgotten. He was on the last one of Mako's when he found a neatly folded slip of paper. As he brought it out his eyes widened slightly as he read the name on the front of the folded paper. "Haru.." his lips mouthed the name quietly.

He felt a sudden sinking feeling as he just stared blankly at the paper, debating whether to open it and read it or just put it up for later. Kisumi shook his head quickly as he made his way back up stairs. ~No, I shouldn't.~ he told himself in his mind ~But I want to know what it says..~ he couldn't figure what could be on the paper of why Makoto would be writing to his ex lover but he could tell from the feeling in his gut that he wouldn't like what he found, or that's the feeling he got at least.

Finally his curiosity got the better of him. He started to unfold the letter when suddenly the front door opened and Hayato ran in causing him to jump and quickly he shoved the paper into his pocket.

"Onii-chan!" He called out excitedly as he wrapped his small arms around his brother and looked up with big bright and sparkling eyes. "Guess what! Guess what!" Hayato help up his paper showing his grades. "And guess what again! My team won our relay race today! Mako-nii said that I swam faster than I ever had before! He said I made my own new record." Pride filled Hayato's voice as it rang out proudly around the house.

Kisumi smiled widely "that's so great ototo, you did really good!" He praised giving the same amount of energy his little brother was giving off then looked over as Makoto entered and shut the door. At that instance his thoughts of the letter quickly faded from his mind. He walked up with a softer smile "welcome home Makoto"

A soft kiss was placed on Kisumi's cheeks then his nose from Makoto as he sat his and Hayato's bags down on the couch. "its good to be home, thank you" Mako trailed off as he made a few sniffs "something really smells good!"

The pink headed man gasped and ran to the kitchen. With everything that had been swimming in his head he had completely forgotten about dinner. "You boys are just in time, dinners just finished" With that he brought everything to the table just as Makoto and Hayato were sitting down then fixed all three plates.

Dinner went as it usually did, nothing different. Every one was quiet for the most part. A few words were exchanged about the day that had unfolded then once everyone had finished Hayato was sent up to do his homework then prepare for bed. Kisumi cleaned off the table and took the dishes to the sink and began to rinse and wash them.

Makoto slipped up behind him wrapping his arms around his lovers waist from behind laying his chin gently on his shoulder and leaning his head to Kisumi's giving an affectionate nuzzle. "Dinner was amazing" he whispered and kissed Kisumi's cheek.

Kisumi blushed smiling as he nuzzled his green eyed lover back and put his hands on Mako's arms rubbing them softly and leaned back against him. "Well you deserve a good meal after a long day of working plus helping with the swimming classes" he turned to face Makoto with a warm smile "you're so amazing, you know that, right?" Laying his head on Mako's chest he sighed in content "I think Hayato should be done, I'll go run you a hot bath so you can relax." Without giving Makoto a chance to respond, Kisumi kissed his lips then pulled away from him and went up stairs.

Watching, Makoto just shook his head softly as he began to loosen his tie. The promise of the hot bath already had his muscles yearning for that warm relaxed feeling. He'd had a long day and tomorrow would be no different. He started to make his way upstairs when his phone began to ring in his pocket, he paused at the bottom step as he took it out and a widen smile appeared on his lips.

"Haru!" Makoto held the phone tightly to the side of his face as he slipped out of the sliding glass door that led to the balcony and closed it. "Haru. Its been a few days since I last heard from you, is everything ok? You usually don't call so late. How are you? ... What?! You're in town?!" He exclaimed trying to keep his voice down. He smiled more as he listened to the receiving end of the call. "Yes, of course I can meet you. Where are you? ... Yes, I remember the hotel we stayed at during our last competition. But Haru, why are you at 'that one'? ... No no, I'll be right over. It's no trouble at all. Give me half an hour. ... ok, see you soon!"

Makoto closed his phone and hung up taking a deep breath then looked out at the shore as he slid the phone back into his pocket. His heart was pounding in his chest just from the few minutes of hearing Haru's voice. He went inside and made his way to the bedroom, quickly changing clothes then poked his head into the bathroom. "Kisumi, something has come up. I have to go"

Kisumi looked over having just turned off the water from the freshly drawn bath. "Makoto? What?" A bit of worry overcame him. "Its late Makoto. Where could you possibly be going at this hour? And your bath is-..."

"It's Haru. He just called." Mako half cut off his lovers words. "He said he is in town but he's leaving back out in the morning. Can you believe it? He's on his way to see about a job and decided to stay in town for the night since he was passing through."

Kisumi froze at the mention of Makoto's blue eyed ex. "You can't go out. Surely there will be other times to see him. Not to mention you have work in the morning."

With a simple smile, Makoto placed his hand on Kisumi's shoulder. "It'll be alright. I promise. It will only be for a few hours, just to catch up then I'll be back." He assured then leaned in and lifted Kisumi's chin lightly placing a soft kiss on his lips then turned and walked out leaving his lover staring blankly.

The pink haired man sat there at a loss for words. As Makoto left, Kisumi heard the front door open and then close, his hands clinched tightly. After letting the water drain he went downstairs and into the living room. He reached into his pocket for his phone but his eyes widened as he pulled out the paper he'd found earlier. He clinched it in his fist half way balling it up and started to just throw it away out of anger but stopped. He shook his head and unfolded it. Makoto had left to go to HIM, why shouldn't he read it.

His blue eyes began to focus on the words and quickly he sucked in his bottom lip and bit it as he sat down on the couch to read.

[Haru,

I just wanted to write you. I know it's been a while since my last letter. How are you? Things are going well here. I met with Rin the other day. Would you believe he found work at the local aquarium? He really loves it. We talked about you for a bit over lunch.

Things are getting better for me as well and I'm loving work. The new school year has just started and my students are just as sweet, cute and smart as last years. I'm so glad I took your advice and persued a career in teaching. You were right, I'm good with children. What job did you end taking when you moved? You never got around to telling me before you left.

I don't have much time. I'm on my lunch break right now and its almost over so I have to cut this letter short but I promise I'll write you again soon. I miss you Haru. There hasn't been a day that's passed that I haven't thought about you since you left. Sometimes I take a walk along the beach and just listen to the waves when they hit the shore. I can't wait to see you again. We'll have to plan a whole day together. Don't worry, of course we'll go swimming. Just like old times. Well, I'll write again soon Haru. I love you.

Until next time, Makoto Tachibana~]

Kisumi crumpled up the letter in his fist, his teeth clamped down together. A few tears caught in his eyes but he quickly wiped them. As he stood a tear slid down his cheek but he wasn't sure if it were from the sadness that he felt in his chest or the anger that burnt within him. He shredded the letter into fine pieces and took his phone out. He scrolled through his contacts as he made his way to the kitchen and threw away the shreds that he had been clinching. A familiar voice sounded on the other end of the phone as the line was answered. "Rin, It's Kisumi. I'm sorry for calling so late but it's Makoto. It's happened again."


	3. Chapter 3

Name: Letting Go

Chapter 3: Fury of the Storm

Thunder rumbled in the clouds as the lightning flashed and lit up the night sky. Waves crashed violently against the shore and the pier but as harsh as the weather was that night, it was nothing compared to the two men arguing outside of the beach side home which not even an hour before was as calm as the still waters before the storm had started.

"You called me out here in the middle of the night for what?! Help? Advise?" Rin yelled, his eyes burning with fury as he stared down the intense blue eyes that were facing him. "Kisumi, how much longer are you going to let this go on!? Its like you don't even care about Makoto or what he's doing."

"How can you even say that?" Kisumi retorted. It was true, he HAD called his lovers former teammate for help but the anger and rage coursing through Rin, he was not prepared for and didn't expect. "I love him! No one can say that isn't true. You don't know what I go through. What I deal with day in and day out. The things I put up with.. How hard it is.." Kisumi was on the verge of tears but he refused to let them fall. Not now. Not in front of the man who was already calling him weak and making such accusations.

Rin growled clinching his fists tightly. This wasn't the first time he'd been called for advice on Makoto's behavior about Haru and every time he had tried to give his best opinion on the matter, it was pushed aside and ignored. "You say you love him but your words only go so far. How can you love him and let him do this? I can't even begin to count the many many times I've tried and tried to tell you. Makoto needs help. Stop being so blind and selfish. You think you're doing what's best by letting him do this? What sense does that even make? Do you really want my help or do you just want attention and someone to spend the lonely nights with when he leaves like this?"

Kisumi tightened his own fists. He knew how hot headed Rin could get but this time he could tell it was like never before but even still, the verbal thrashing Rin was giving out.. Kisumi knew he just didn't understand. "How dare you even say that?!" He countered trying to keep what composure he had left. "I know Makoto better than anyone. We've known each other since we were kids. You just don't get it. I let him do this.. Because I love him. I love him enough to not get in the way of what makes him happy. If this is what he wants then who am I to stop him?"

That was it, Rin had heard enough. He gritted his sharp teeth together, grab the front of Kisumi's shirt and forced the pink haired man up against the side of the house. "Don't you dare say that you know him better! You knew him when you were kids, well news flash. SO DID I! But you know what? That doesn't mean shit right now. If you think that is what love is then you have no clue! What you're doing is selfish beyond belief and I'm tired of it! You hear me? SICK AND TIRED OF IT!"

Kisumi gasped as a breath of air was forced from his body at the sudden collision of his back to the wall. His hands went up gripping Rin's arm and tried to pry the strong grip from his shirt but with no luck. "I call you for help and this is what you do? Yes, you knew him as well but who is the one who has been with him for so long now? Me! I have been there for him. Watched him time and time again. Waited for him to come to bed at night, knowing that he's on the phone talking until the early hours of the morning or knowing that he goes out and doesn't return until late. You don't think it hurts? It does! But I do what I can. I want Makoto to be happy, no matter what."

Just then the sky lit up brightly as a streak of lightning crashed, flashing in Rin's eyes as if the storm itself was fueled by his rage followed by a massive roar of thunder. The clouds themselves seemed to be heated in the tensed moment as they opened up giving way to a downpour that quickly soaked both men but even still, neither seemed focused on that nor seemed to even care.

"Is that all you can say? You love him, you love him. If that's truly how you feel. You love Makoto so much that you just sit by like some ignorant child and turn a blind eye to what he is doing then why? Why even call me in the first place? Huh? Tell me that?!" Rin's grip only tightened on Kisumi's shirt as he shoved him harder against the siding of the house "What reason do you have.." Rin paused for a moment then shook his head. "It doesn't matter. Its clear that if anything is going to be done about this that I am the one who is going to have to do it. You don't seem to be man enough. It's pathetic. Sad that you are so selfish that you put yourself before him, the one who needs help the most."

Kisumi glared as his eyes narrowed. The rain drops rolled of the ends of his hair that was now plastered to his head. "You won't do anything. He is NOT you're responsibility! I'll do whatever it takes to help him-..."

Rin slammed his fist against Kisumi's head as he pounded it into the wall. "NO! You'll do whatever you WANT as long as Makoto still comes home to you." The purple haired man corrected quickly "You don't give a damn about Makoto. All you care about is yourself!" Rin drew his fist back from the wall, his anger had got the best of him and at that moment, rational thought was gone. Quickly his fist connected with Kisumi's jaw causing him to fall to the ground. "I'll handle this MY way. Makoto is MY friend and I won't let this continue any longer. You stay out of my way or else next time it will be worse." Without another word Rin turned and stormed off not even bothering to look back. No regret showed in his furious red eyes for the actions he had just taken, and at the moment, he didn't care.

Kisumi hit the ground with a hard thud but that was nothing compared to the pain that now coursed through him. His hand went to his face that was already starting to swell from the hard blow to the jaw. He sat up quickly and scooted back all the way to the side of the house. His blue eyes wide with disbelief from what had just happened. He could only stare as Rin turned and began walking off. He kept silent but his thoughts raced through his mind. He knew what it was that he had to do. Once more he looked up as another flash lit up the sky. "RIN, WAIT!" He called out.

At the sound of his name Rin reluctantly half paused. His red eyes stayed narrowed as he stopped then slowly turned to face the half slumped over body sitting against the wall on the ground. Even his lips were half drawn back in somewhat of a growl showing off his finely pointed teeth. "What do you want?" His words hissed lowly out like venom being poured into an open wound.

"I.." Kisumi took a breath as he tried to calm himself and his thoughts. He managed to bring himself to his feet, gripping the side of the house with a shaky hand, he had pulled himself up but his head remained half lowered as if in defeat. His pink hair covered over half his eyes with water continuously dripping and running down each strand. "I'll... I'll do it.." he finally said as he bit his lip. "I will get him some help..."

Rin's left eye twitched as his brow raised. He hadn't expected the words that that now replayed themselves in his ears. Step by step he found himself now standing only a few feet away from Kisumi. "Not the help you think he needs. Get him the help he actually needs." Rin stated as if he already knew what what on the others mind.

Kisumi blinked and wiped his face from the rain on his soaked sleeve virtually making it pointless. "I'll have him admitted.. To the hospital.. or.. or the psych ward.. At least there he can be watched and helped.."

"Did you NOT just listen to me?" Rin raised his voice once more "I said the help he actually needs. NOT what you think he needs. He doesn't need to be put in some hospital! He needs his friends. For all of us to be there for him and help him through it all. Don't you see that? All of us are worried about him. Me, Nagisa, Rei, even Sousuke. It isn't just you." For a few seconds Rin became silent. His eyes closed and he took a deep breath as if he were collecting his thoughts and calming himself. As he did, the rain began to ease off.

The sky still remained heavily clouded but it seemed the storm had passed. Rin opened his eyes "Look, we can all do this together." His voice was now calmer or, as calm as he could make it at the moment. "I'm supposed to be visiting Australia for a few days, leaving tomorrow, but I'll be back. Let's just give this a few days to settle. I'll talk to the others when I get back and we can all handle this. This is what's best for Mikoto. Being around his friends. He wouldn't give up on us and we won't do the same." As he finished his last words Rin even went so far as to extend his hand to Kisumi.

All the blue eyed man could do was nod slowly as he listened. He knew there was no point in arguing with the hot headed one before him. He took Rin's hand, shaking it as if an agreement had just been formed and things had been settled. "You're right, Rin. And I'm sorry. I will do what's best for Mikoto. That's all that matters. I'll wait for you to return and then we can start his road to recovery."

Rin had since left the next morning. Makoto had returned home just as he said he would, like he always did and now had left out for work. Everything.. was back to what had now been accepted as normal for so long. Kisumi sat in the empty house on the couch staring up at the ceiling fan as it spun above him. His mind whirling just as fast as the fan blades his blue eyes were fixed on. With a sudden burst of energy he sprang up, swiping his phone off of the table as he entered a number. Soon a voice sounded on the other end.

"Thank you for calling the Tokyo Psychiatric Clinic. How can I help you?" A woman's voice answered

"Yes, My name is Kisumi Shigino. I have a patient that needs to be admitted. Patient name, Makoto Tachibana."


	4. Chapter 4

Letting Go | Chapter 4: Eye Of The Storm

Word quickly spread through to everyone in the tight circle of friends of Makoto's admission to the psychiatric hospital, all except for Rin who had not yet returned from his trip to Australia due to having to stay longer than he had expected. Kisumi had tried to hide it from them and had managed to succeed for a couple of days but with Makoto's absence from his teaching at the school, it couldn't be hid for forever. After he had made the call to have Makoto admitted he had been told to bring his lover in the next day but he couldn't and didn't want to wait that long. He didn't have much time before Rin would return and Kisumi didn't want to take any chances.

Nagisa was the first to find out. His energetic busy body self had gone to visit Makoto as he did often for lunch just to chat and catch up with his old friend but when told that Makoto had been out sick he figured he'd try the next day to get the same answer of his friends absence. The third day he went to Makoto's home and had just happen to run into Kisumi whom at first wouldn't even talk about it. Persistence is a strong suit for the Shota sized blonde and Kisumi found that out quickly, finally the truth was spilled. Nagisa wasted no time going to his lover about the news. He didn't care that Rei was working, some things were more important and that's what's he told him.

"Rei! Rei! REI!" He exclaimed. His magenta eyes full of fear "Makoto, he's in the hospital. Kisumi says he over dosed on medicine! Rei we have to go see him!" Nagisa cried by that point tears of worry had formed in his eyes but his voice left no room for argument, not that Rei would have in the first place.

Later that day the two had gone to visit Makoto only to be turned away at the receptions desk. Kisumi had arranged it so that only immediate family could be allowed to see Makoto. Both Nagisa and Rei tried their best to convince and persuade the doctors and nurses to let them in but go no avail. Neither were the type to willing cause trouble and with an aura of depression looming over them, they reluctantly left.

"Did you have any luck contacting Rin?" Rei asked as he walked out with Nagisa. His blue eyes glanced over to his magenta eyed lover with a sigh at his expression. His usual cheerful face now gloomy and his eyes focused on the ground blankly.

"The signals are still jammed up from the storm. I haven't been able to even get anything other than the automated 'out of service area' message when I try to call and I don't know the number to where he's supposed to be staying." He looked up at Rei giving out his own sigh "Rin will be furious when he finds out. You know how protective he is over Makoto since all of that happened with Haru." He stopped walking to look up at the sky "Rei, do you think this is what's best? I know we didn't even get to see him but.. I can't imagine Makoto being locked in some asylum like this." He said softly, his voice almost monotone as he spoke.

"Makoto.. He needs help. We all know that but.. I agree with you. That is no place for him. I just cant believe that it has gotten this bad.. I never would have though Makoto would do such a thing. It's just.. unbelievable. I do believe though that Rin's approach was best. We've always been able to get through anything no matter how hard it seemed, this should be no different. It's just been hard. Makoto was hit really Hard when... Well you know.." He responded and reached down to take Nagisa's hand in his. "We must approach this situation the best way possible. We have to calculate a plan. It's all we can do until Rin returns. I believe he will know how to handle this best but it will not hurt to have a back up plan just in case"

Nagisa managed a smile from hearing his lovers words. Rei always seemed to be able put things a way that made him feel better and even a slight streak of his usual self was already showing in his eyes. "You're right. We will come up with something while we wait, hopefully Rin will be able to return. The storms seem to have passed now." He squeezed Reis hand and smiled more "Rei, I'm hungry. Can we go out for pizza? There's a new place that opened up recently by my house that we could go to"

Rei adjusted his square framed glasses with his finger then looked to Nagisa "the amount of food you eat doesn't seem humanly possible sometimes, Nagisa.." He said lowly, mostly to himself. "If that's what you want but unfortunately I will have to head straight home after I walk you home. I have some research to take care of before tomorrow" he answered. With that he started walking, leading the blonde along with him as they headed towards Nagisa's home and to the restaurant to eat.

Makoto finally opened his dull green eyes slowly. It had been at least an hour since he had woken up but his brain had been trying to comprehend just what had happened. Things were still fuzzy and he felt as if he were in a daze. The ceiling tiles of his room came into focus first then he blinked and moved his eyes from left to right as he did, he caught a glimpse of a pink blur entering into his room.

Kisumi rushed over at seeing his lovers dark eyes half open. "Makoto! Makoto! You're awake!" He instantly appeared at Makoto's side gently taking up his hand and holding it as tightly as he could without hurting it. "Im so glad you're awake..."

Makoto looked at him confused then groaned a bit. He'd been completely out and unconscious since arriving at the hospital, unknown to him from the medicine Kisumi had slipped to him during their dinner to make it easier to transport without any fuse or problems. Makoto weakly grasped Kisumi's hand as his eyes focused finally and his vision started to clear. "What.. happened.." he rasped out, his voice a bit hoarse from having not used it in a few days that he had been there. "Where..." he looked around again "where am I?"

A slight frown crossed Kisumi's face and his blue eyes lowered a bit. "You're in the hospital Makoto.. I'm so sorry.. we were eating dinner and suddenly out of no where you fainted.. you passed out right there in the kitchen floor.. I was so scared both me and Hayato were. I didn't know what to do so I called 911. Then the paramedics showed up. God.. Makoto I've never been more scared in my entire life. Then you even.." he looked away covering his face "your heart stopped" He explained quietly, leaving no faulter in his voice to make Makoto think otherwise. Kisumi managed a few tears as he spoke "Makoto.. they ran tests on you.. they say you overdosed on medicine.." he sniffled and rubbed the tears from his eye. "Makoto.. why.."

Makoto could only listen as he tried to sit up in his bed only to find his wrists had be restrained to the side of the bed with padded Velcro restraints that were connected to the railing on the side of the bed. He pulled at them weakly but other than that he didnt put up too much of a fight. He laid his head back to the pillow as his mind swirled with thoughts of what Kisumi was telling him. "Ki..sumi... I don't remember any of that.. none of it.."

"The doctors said your memory would be fuzzy or that you might not remember it at all. It's ok, please just try to take it easy." Kisumi interrupted

Makoto quickly but softly shook his head "N-No.. that's not what I mean. Kisumi, I've never taken any medicine before. I don't remember taking any at all..."

Kisumi slid his arms around Makoto "shh, its ok" he said, trying to give comfort. "Everything must be spinning for you right now. Don't worry.. I'm here with you. You just can't think clearly right now. Once your mind clears.." he trailed off as one of the nurses knocked then walked into the room.

"Mr. Tachibana, oh thank goodness. It's so good to see you awake" the nurse walked over to check Makoto's vitals then offered a gentle smile "No need to stress yourself. You are being taken care of by the best."

Makoto frowned and looked to her with still confused green eyes. "Ma'am.. I don't understand why I'm here.." he half stared off at the wall now thinking to himself. The last thing he'd remembered was coming home from meeting Haru. He didn't even remember going to work the following day. Had he taken something? He was almost positive that he hadn't but what reason did his lover have to lie to him? Plus he couldn't deny that he was no where even close to home. He tugged at the restraints on his wrists again. "Why am I being bound..? I'm so confused.."

The nurse shook her head softly "Sweetie, those are the doctors orders. You are on suicide watch and have been since you came into our care. We don't want you to hurt yourself. I'm sorry but until he gives the order to free you, you will have to stay like this. The most I can do is adjust them for you if they are uncomfortable."

"Being tied like this in general is uncomfortable.." he groaned and sighed "I would never do anything to hurt myself. Especially not try to.. kill myself.." he made a face of disgust at the mere thought of it.

As Kisumi sat down next to Makoto's bed he silently thanked himself for the story he had told them upon Makoto's arrival. About how Makoto had been different and how everything had seemed to change with him when Haru had left. How had hadn't been truly been unable to get over it. The doctors and nurses had seen so many cases like his that they hadn't even questioned it. They put Makoto straight on suicide watch and carefully surveyed him since he arrived, with Kisumi's help as well.

After she had checked all Makoto's vitals the nurse adjusted the restraints then left out again.

A few minutes of complete silence passed between the two men then Makoto spoke up. "Kisumi.. you know I would never do anything like that.. this is too much. I feel like I'm loosing my mind already. I just want to go home.. I'm missing work and I'm sure my family and friends are worried about me. I don't want to be here.. please just tell them.. explain.. I'm not that type of person.."

Kisumi sighed heavily "I know you aren't but there's nothing I can do. I offered to help watch over you so maybe you could leave earlier than if it were just the doctors.. I'm sorry.." he answered softly knowing that he'd only stayed to make sure no one else could. He'd even found someone to watch Hayato so he didn't have to leave Mako's side, only to go eat. With him there, Makoto's one visitor limit was filled, not leaving room for anyone else and that's just how he wanted it.

Suddenly a few nurses were heard talking loudly outside the room and down the hallway, it almost sounded as if they were yelling at someone. Then only split seconds later the door burst open and a familiar sharp toothed maroon headed man barged in with furious blazing eyes causing both Kisumi and Makoto to jump from being startled.

"KISUMI! YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Rin snapped loudly, his voice echoing all around the room. "THIS is what you do when you know I'm away!?" He was beyond angry and pissed. Rin seemed like an animal about to attack even going so far as to bare his pointed teeth in a growl.

Kisumi jumped up quickly "R-rin! What are you-" he wasn't able to get any more than that out before Rin grabbed him up and slammed into the back of the door after he had kicked it closed to stop anyone else from getting in.

Makoto's eyes widen "Rin! Wait! What's going on!? Please stop this!" He frantically pleaded to his long time friend. He desperately pulled at the restraints trying to free himself but with no luck.

Rin looked over, still holding Kisumi to the door as a few nurses tried to open it. "Makoto, this little bitch is about to get what he deserves." He said heatedly but he could help his furious eyes from growing soft and pained at the sight of Makoto's confinement. "Makoto.." he continued on but his voice softer now as he addressed only his brown haired friend. "Makoto.. he's been lying to you for years now.. I can't take this anymore. I just can't. It has to stop now.. Kisumi has been letting you live a lie and it's tearing not only me apart to watch but the others as well." Rin felt himself starting to tear up. "Makoto.. Haru is dead.. I'm sorry.. but I can't keep letting this lie go on. Haru is gone, Makoto and he isn't coming back.. please... you have to let go..."


	5. Chapter 5

Name: Letting Go

Chapter 5: Drwoning in Memories

Makoto stared at Rin in utter disbelief. Why would he say something so cruel? He knew there was no way Haru could really be gone, right? He closed his eyes and shook his head quickly. "N-No.." clenching his fists, Makoto opened his eyes but the tears that had formed blurred his vision. All he could see was the image of Rin still holding Kisumi against the door. He thought he heard voices but even those too were faded and distant. His head fell back to the plush pillow of his bed then everything dissipated from his senses as he slipped into the darkness of unconsciousness but the darkness didn't last for very long.

"Ohayou, Haru!" Makoto's cheerful voice filled the house as he entered early one morning. Walking through, he made his usual route to the bathroom. "Haru, sheesh. Every time. You'd thing you actually live here and the rest of the house is just for decoration." He teased

Haru's blue eyes glanced over from the tub then looked forward as he sank down into the water a blew a few bubbles in an inaudible retort. After a few minutes he sighed and sat up, reaching for the familiar hand that waited for him.

As they both began their walk taking the route that had become so a custom to them, Makoto's eyes averted over to gaze at Haru and a gentle smile crossed his lips. It had been a couple of months since he had finally gotten the courage to ask his long time friend out. Though Haru had been surprised at Makoto's confession of feelings, he instantly said yes in his own.. silent way.

*The image of Haru began to fade from the green gaze then slowly it filtered out to be replaced with a time long ago. Childish laughter filled the air as the two sat in the sand. Makoto had just handed his friend the invitation to his birthday.*

Haru smiled slightly as he took it "You'll be eight tomorrow, right?" He questioned as he shoved more sand into his blue bucket. "I'm not sure what to get you" he admitted

"Hai!" Makoto answered with a bright smile "You don't have to get me anything, Haru. I'll be happy if you can come by. My mom is planning all sorts of games, it'll be so great!" Mako paused for a moment as he tilted his head "Um.. Haru, you're missing the bucket again." He stated as he watched the shovel empty right back onto the sand in which it had been scooped from, Haru's gaze wasn't looking down, instead out at the vast ocean. Makoto tilted his head "Haru?" He said softly.

Haru seemed to always get so distracted when it came to the water, especially the ocean. Mako had always teased him about it but eventually he'd grown accustom to it. Makoto watched his friend with soft eyes not bothering to call his name again. He wondered what it was that held Haru's interest so much but in the earlier days he could never really grasp as to why.

"Free"

Mako blinked, his concentration veered to the word he'd just heard. "Huh?"

"Free" Haru repeated softly then turned to look at Makoto.

*Once more his image began to dissolve and soon the sound of cheering filled Makoto's ears followed by the announcements from the PA system and the familiar scent of chlorine filled Mako's nose.*

A wave of applause and shouting followed as Rin and Nagisa both jumped up and down excitedly around Haru. "WE DID IT!" Rin exclaimed "FIRST PLACE!" Nagisa cheered as he bounced next to Rin who clutched their trophy tightly in his arms the presented it to Haru who stood next to him. "We are the best team ever!" His magenta eyes gleamed proudly.

Makoto smiled happily as he watched then he blinked confused when a very familiar face came into his view beside Haru. The bright green eyed brown haired boy next to him. Nagisa ran over almost tackling him to the ground with excitement "Mako-chan! We did it we did it!"

*~What's going on...?~ Makoto thought as he continued to watch. ~Is.. that me? Why am I seeing this?~ He questioned as he still watched the events of his past unfold once more but from an outside perspective. He watched his childhood self wrap his arms around Haru and Rin and Nagisa continued to celebrate. ~I don't.. understand this.. why am I seeing this..~ he repeated but he could dwell on the thought. The happy occasion just made him smile as he wanted the flashback continue. Just as the thought hit him the scene shifted once more.*

The sight of an older Haru along with himself once again walking along the beach just as the sun was setting. Nagisa and Rei were further on down the shore. "Haru, this is nice. Isn't it?" He heard himself ask, which Haru responded with a slight nod. "We're supposed to be here for our training but you know, with down time like this. It's more like a date" Makoto chuckled "A date the we brought the kids on" he said, glancing over at Nagisa and Rei.

"Kids? We don't have..." Haru trailed off then looked away slightly once he realized the meaning behind Mako's words and his face slightly flushed.

Makoto chuckled and slid his arm around Haru "I think you'd be a great mommy. You could teach them all about swimming or even better, they'd take after you and have the natural ability and take to the water"

*Mako just watched, giving his own chuckle at the image of his past self and Haru, remembering that day like it was just yesterday. The breeze, the feeling even the scent of the salty sea seemed to flood over him.*

"Don't say such impossible things.." Haru muttered in response even as he looked out to the ocean.

*Suddenly a flash of lightning clashed in the sky lighting up his blue eyes and the scene was thrust violently. Everything had grown dark, the sun vanished in that instant. Makoto's eyes widened as the all to familiar scene played out in front of him, horror covered his face and filled his green eyes and he felt like his lungs were filling with water just from the sight of it. ~No! Why am I seeing this again! Make it stop! PLEASE~ He yelled out in his mind as he gripped his head but everything carried on as it always did, the memory continued to play before him. ~PLEASE MAKE IT STOP~ He pleaded but still nothing. He could only watch helplessly as the events once again unfolded before his tear streamed eyes.*

"Haru! Haru! Where are you!" Makoto called out the best he could as he fought the harsh blackened waves that threatened to pull him under with every crash against his body. His green eyes searched and searched for any sign of his blue eyed friend. Nagisa had already pulled Rei from the stormy waters. The maroon eyed boy looked frantically out to the water as Makoto continued to search. Haru had dove in when he seen his lover was in danger from trying to save Rei. But once Nagisa had gotten him safely on shore Makoto had been able to regain control of himself in the water.

"HARU!?" He called out again as an enormous wave crashed down over him causing Makoto to go under. He took in as much air as he could into his lungs before he was plunged into the darkened depths. A flash of lightning lit up the sky making the water illuminate and light up for the split second. As it did Makoto caught the glimps of a body being carried already under the surface but just as he seen the body the light was gone. He continued to hold his breath until the next flash occurred and when it did his eyes widened in horror. ~HARU!~ he yelled in his mind then instantly dove towards the body with all his might. Several flashes of lightning kept Haru's body in view until Makoto could finally reach him.

Makoto latched on to Haru's arm and kicked his legs with every ounce of strength he had left and finally his head breached the surface of the water where he took several big gulps of air in. With all his might he eventually reached the shore. Where was he? He couldn't tell. Neither Rei nor Nagisa were in view. He still took a few large breaths of air in as he drug Haru's motionless body across the sand far enough away from the waters grasp. "Haru? ... Haru!?" Mako called out "Haru wake up!" His voice full of more panic that it had ever been in his entire life.

With no response or even any sign of life Makoto did the only thing he could, started CPR. He clasped Haru's nose shut then leaned down over him, hesitating for a moment then met Haru's cold lips with his own as he passed a few shuddered breaths into his lovers body. He placed his palms against Haru's chest and began compressions, counting in his mind. Back to his lips again, Makoto desperately gave his breaths but to no avail. He began the next session of compressions. Still nothing. "Haru please..." he begged his lover to wake but no matter how much he pleaded, his words were only met with silence. He placed his fingers against Haru's inner wrists, neck and every other pulse sensing area he could think of but no where could he find the beat he searched for.

Dread filled him as tears streamed down his face mixing with the drops of water from his hair that dripped down, landing on Haru's lifeless body. "HARU NO!" He cried as he scooped his hands underneath then lifted Haru into his arms pulling him into his lap as if holding a small child for comfort. His mind slipped from reality. "S-Shh.. Shh.. You'll be alright.. y-you're safe.. j-just rest.. the o-others will be here... th-they'll find us Haru." He said in a shaky comforting tone as tears continued down his own face and he began rocking back and forth with the ever growing, cold body in his arms.

*Makoto watched on helplessly ~N-NO! THAT ISN'T WHAT HAPPENED! NO! HARU WAKE UP!... w-wake up like you did before...~ he found himself pleading with the vision.*

"Mako-chan!" Nagisa called as both him and Rei ran up the shore having spotted Makoto and Haru. "Hurry Rei! They're over here!" Finally they reached them and down to his knees Nagisa went along with Rei as they knelt down next to Makoto. "Is Haru-chan ok?" When he was only answered with Makoto's silence he extended a shaky hand to check Haru's pulse then instantly his hand went over his mouth in complete shock and his own tears began to spill.

*Another flash of lightning instantly took Makoto to a dark cloudy and rainy day. Grey filled the sky and the people gathered around were all dressed in black. From above a sea of black was seen from all of the umbrellas used to shelter from the rains cold onslaught as if the occasion wasn't bad enough.*

"Today we lay to rest the young body of Nanase Haruka." A voice carried over to everyone including Makoto, Rin, Nagisa and Rei. Rei did his best to comfort Nagisa as did Rin for Makoto but it seemed impossible.

"No!" Mako said brokenly, still refusing to believe his lover was gone. He had convinced himself that Haru was just resting. He was just away, he just had to leave town. Not some lifeless body in a box being lowered into the ground. That's what he had been told at least.

Rin did his best to comfort his friend through his own grieving and tears on this day. Neither him, Nagisa nor Rei could figure out where Makoto had gotten the idea that Haru had just left like that. The proceedings had ended, Makoto had refused to view the body, casting it off as someone random from the school. "Makoto.." Rin called softly to him. "Makoto I have to go see about...the ashes" he said hesitantly. True this was Haru's funeral and the casket had been lowered for burial but it was empty. Just a showing for formalities. Haru's family had opted to have his body cremated. "Makoto, please stay right here. I will be right back.." He said then went to speak with the funeral director.

In the distance, blue eyes watched as Rin walked away, going back inside then as he was out of sight, they approached Makoto. "Makoto. Makoto, I'm so sorry for what happened." A voice spoke sympathetically.

Makoto looked up to see his salmon pink haired friend. "Kisumi? H-Hey.." He quickly looked away "There is nothing to be sorry for. I mean, yes. It's sad about the boy but it doesn't affect me." He answered softly

Kisumi grinned inwardly then he slid his arm around Makoto. He knew the mental state that everything had put Mako in. He'd heard from a few people about how Makoto had seemed to lost it and Kisumi waisted no time as he slipped in and took advantage of it. "I didnt mean that Makoto. I meant about Haru leaving so.. abruptly. Like that." He gave a soft sigh "Makoto, I know it hurts but you're going to have to realize. Haru is gone. He didnt just leave because of some trip. I mean, he may indeed be handling business but he isn't coming back for you Makoto.. he left you."

Makoto tensed every muscle in his body then his green gaze averted to Kisumi then to the ground. "I.. Kisumi.. I just don't understand.." he said with a bit of shakiness to his words, believing the lies being poured slyly into his ears. Kisumi was one of his best friends. What reason did he have to question something like this. Makoto quickly wiped his eyes of a few tears that formed. "He was everything to me.. what am I supposed to do n-now.."

"Makoto" Kisumi answered with a hint of hope in his voice "I will take this pain away from you. I will make sure you never hurt like this again." His word flowed out so smoothly as if they were scripted and rehearsed for hours.

Makoto's eyes widened in surprise, his already weak mind crumbled. Kisumi knew he had him. "Come one Makoto. I'll walk you home. We can talk there.. you shouldn't be out here. It's so gloomy." he said as he took Makoto's hand then started off with him.

As they walked off Rin exited from the building only to see Makoto being led away hand in hand with Kisumi. He froze, something kept him from going after them and his fingers clinched together forming a fist at his sides. "Makoto..."


End file.
